5 Tips to Foster Great Communication

Good communication is the foundation of every great relationship. Listening and being listened to are signs of care and respect for your partner. When you feel cared for, you have more energy flowing through you, and sex is better.

Tantra is based on such caring and respect for your partner. Here are some good tips:

1. Make sure you have your partner’s attention without demanding that they stop what they are doing to listen to you, unless it’s an emergency. If one of you is busy when you want to talk, set up a time when you both can pay attention to each other.
2. Tune into your own truth by taking a couple of Ocean Breaths to connect with your love for them. Intend to create more understanding and harmony. Remember this is your truth and might not be “the truth” for your partner.
3. Clear your mind of judging thoughts such as, “Here she/he goes again…” or “I’m going to show her/him that I’m right “. Communication is not a tug of war. To prove that you are right does not create more harmony or passion. Quite the opposite. Understanding and connection do.
4. Really listen. We have two ears and one mouth, so listen at least twice as much as you speak. Listen attentively even if you think you ‘know’ what they are going to say. You might here a nuance that has always escaped you before, and this time that might make all the difference in how this talk goes.
5. Pay attention to your body language, especially face expression, eye movements (rolling your eyes) and tone of voice. Body language makes up about 65% of communication. When your intention is love, the body is going to be relaxed and your voice full and warm. If your intention is to ‘be right’ or ’show them,’ it will automatically show through your body language.

If you are not used to thinking about your body and your attitude as you are speaking, all these steps might seem overwhelming. Start with one or two the next time you talk with your lover.

Afterwards, be sure that you take a moment for yourself, and think about how using these simple steps changed your experience of the encounter and its outcome. Then, try to work in more of the steps the next time. You will see the difference - and your partner will feel the difference in your attention and your energy.

Fun & Facts on Orgasm

Mary Roach is the author of Bonk, a wander through comtemporary sex research, full of fascinating tidbits & anecdotes about human sexuality.  Here is an engaging, funny talk she gave at TED about what she found out about orgasms while researching the book.

By the way, if you have never heard of the TED Conference, it is an annual gathering where speakers are invited to present for less than 20 minutes on their discoveries, thoughts, and art.  It is a gathering of the most remarkable thinkers, artists, and scientists on the planet.  And all the presentations are available online at the website.  Go visit!  You will be amazed, entertained, and uplifted.

Ciao,
Carla

Sharing Sweetness

February is the season for romance.  But not everyone’s relationship is as hot & sexy as they would like. Have you experienced a decline in your romance lately? Or perhaps you have gone some time without that “spark” you felt when you first met your lover?

Ladies, perhaps you realize that you are feeling less beautiful, less desirable, more taken for granted. . . I know many of us feel this way at one time or another.

When your man is in love with you at the beginning of your relationship he sprinkles, “you are beautiful,” “I love you so much,” “you are important to me” in so much of what he says to you. . .

Now you might have to wait for a special occasion or perhaps a new sexy outfit for him to notice how beautiful you are. His feelings haven’t changed; he has just forgotten the need to share them with you.

Men, are you taking the time to make sure your woman hears that she is important and beautiful and sexy to you?

Perhaps there is also another way you can give attention to her?

Saying “you are beautiful” can get boring or lost its meaning, and a general comment never has the same power as when you compliment her on a specific trait. Perhaps instead you could notice her expression and comment on it. You can tell her exactly what about her body attracts you most. Perhaps you may also notice some of the loving things she says or does, and acknowledge them with some attention – and even a kiss, or a touch . . .

This Valentine’s Day, and all through the month, use your imagination to communicate your desire to your woman. You will be surprised how eagerly she reacts to your attention!

Real Listening Feeds Eros

When I work with couples who are resistant to healing their relationship and who no longer feel the kind of  sensuality they felt when they met, it is often due to their lack of listening. It’s very common in long-term relationships.

Tantra says that newness is the preferred food for Eros.  Eros dies when habits come in. But when you have been with someone a long time, it’s very easy for both of you to fall into a rut. Read more